He’s not hitting them wicked faaaaahhhr anymore
Kosuke Fukudome, Alfonso Soriao, Ryan Dumpster, Milton Bradley and the list goes on. What do all these players have in common?
Ah, that's right. They are all players the Cubs have given big money too and have in turn underperformed. Except for Milton, underperform doesn't even begin to describe that travesty of a ballplayer. There will be many more that are, "Sleepless in Seattle" starting this spring.
With this in mind, the Cubs made their most recent offseason move, signing Kevin Millar. Everyone knows Mr. Millar as a member of the Red Sox, in spite of the fact that he spent only 3 of his 12 seasons as a major leaguer there. That ought to tell you something but in case you can't infer it, Kevin is most well known because he played in Boston, not because he was an outstanding player.
The Cubs hedged their bets by signing him to a minor league contract with no guaranteed money. This in and of itself is unusual, last year Kevin hit .223 with 7 HRs and 29 RBIs. What's going on? The Cubs give guys like that a guaranteed $5 mil.
Regardless, at least it isn't the $30 million they gave Milton. Typically, when players, especially older veterans sign on with a team, they say something to the effect of "I'm excited to go to a team where I have a chance to win." Sure, its a feel-good thing to say but you at least hope its true. Kevin (who I remember more for the goatee than anything) said:
"I'm excited to have a chance to compete for a spot with the Cubbies. I have a lot of buddies on that team."
Oh. good. Someone wants to play for the Cubs because they have friends on the team. Excuse me while I go cry in my milk because I wasn't on the same kickball team as my best friend in 4th grade.
At least he's not named after a company that makes board games.
